We had an amusing family discussion recently. It was a simple question that turned comical. Who was the best TV husband of all time?
We don’t really watch tv at home any more. I have never paid a cable bill in my life. We like movies. Netflix has become our primary source of entertainment. Absolutely love it. They even have tv shows on there.
My kids didn’t grow up watching the same shows as we did. But, they have discovered several classics and love to watch them. I Love Lucy, Andy Griffith, The Little Rascals, Looney Tunes… They love that stuff. They like the simple stories and well developed characters. Those shows aren’t soft core porn or saturated with violence. So, it’s cool.
Of all the shows that might have featured the ultimate husband, only one got my vote. The Addams Family.
We talked about all the ones who might make a “normal” person’s list. Leave it to Beaver. The Brady Bunch. All in the Family. ( not really, just thought that would be funny. ) None of those characters fit my description of a good husband. Sorry. They just don’t.
All of the black and white shows seem to feature the traditional marriage roles. Dad in a cheap suit, sitting at the table, reading a paper while mom runs around making breakfast and herding the kids. Dad goes to work and does manly things, while mom stays home and repeats the same domesticated cycle as the day before. Dad returns home after is work is done, to sit back down to another meal that mom prepared. Ah yes. What a happy home.
For everyone but mom.
The church has followed the same pattern. The little lady spends her life in the shadow of the all important man of the house. Her purpose is to support him and cater to him. She is left to manage everything he doesn’t want to do. She gets the stuff that is beneath him. It’s been like that since the dawn of time. Isn’t it a wonderful system? Maybe we should all move to Mayberry and get a cute little home. Apron sales would skyrocket.
Well. I don’t buy into that package. I like the way Gomez Addams did things. He lived in the most unusual house, with the most unusual family and did the most unusual things. He had his hobbies and responsibilities, sure. But, he would drop everything, at a moments notice, to run to her. He was hopelessly in love with Morticia. She was his world. She was his top priority. Nothing mattered to him more than her. He lived for her. She was his purpose. Everything he did was based on what she enjoyed or needed. He was mushy and absolutely crazy about her. He loved doing things with her. He loved being with her. Her opinion always mattered. He listened to every word she said.
Gomez Addams was the best husband I ever saw on any tv show.
All the others put their wife in the role that tradition expected them to be in. They put the wife under the husband, not beside him. It might be cute and entertaining, but it’s not the best way. Sorry. It might create a functional home, but it will never create a passionate and outrageously happy marriage.
All the women I know, who live like that, are amazing. They are supportive and loving. They would do anything to take care of their family. They are determined to do their part and make that marriage work. However. Very few husbands will ever take their responsibilities within the marriage as serious as the wife does. Once a man figures out that this lady will do anything to keep peace in that home, he is set. Once he figures out that she will keep on loving him and caring for him once he becomes a tyrant, he will do it. Especially if those traditional guys are their role models.
Of you had asked me in 1989, if I was capable of becoming abusive, I would have laughed. No way. If you had asked me again in the summer of 2009, I would have said the same thing. If you ask me now, I will openly admit that I deteriorated into a miserable excuse for a husband. When I went through the list of types of abuse, we found 16 different ways I had abused my wife. I didn’t even understand it at the time. I do now.
Obviously, that’s not the kind of husband we should be. Even the watered down version we saw in those shows, was a poor husband. We can do better. We can look at our wives and decide to appreciate them. We can make up our minds that they are the most important person alive. We can start looking for creative ways to show them how much we love them. We can become that guy who gets excited to see her. We can ignore the entire world when she walks in. We can have passion restored when we put her in her rightful place.
Who cares if everyone else thinks you are a freak. Be a happily married, passionate freak. Just like Gomez.
– adding a note here. Just found a recent interview with the cast. They claim that therapists, at the time, called them the “most well adjusted family on television.” Interview with the cast of The Addams Family
Want to become that kind of husband? Take my 21 day challenge.
Photo snagged from starpulse.com