This is taken directly from my 21 Days to Save My Family book.
I had a conversation recently with a solid Christian husband. He wants to be a good husband, he is trying to be a good husband. As far as everyone around him is concerned, he’s probably a great husband. But, he couldn’t accept my perspective. I want to try to spell this out and make it simple. Getting really tired of people arguing about things they don’t even understand.
It’s not going to change anything for me. I lived it, I survived the impossible, I know this to be true.
Husband and wife. Bride and groom. Bride and bridegroom. Christ and the church. This is a concept that the apostle Paul couldn’t even get his mind around. He knew it was there. He told us how it was, but he couldn’t explain it because he hadn’t lived it. But, he saw it.
Marriage is a mirror of salvation.
I have covered this plenty of times, but it seems to be a theme that keeps getting overlooked. I keep getting the “yeah, but…” comments. People keep trying to agree with me, then try to adjust the message to include their perspective. Quit doing that. I have a very simple message that has been repeated over and over. If you know my story, you know why I believe it. You also know that there is no counselor, minister, teacher, theory or theology that will change what I believe.
Ready? Here’s Christian marriage in a nutshell.
Ephesians 5:25. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.
Got it? No you don’t. Unless you have been through what I have, chances are you still want to dilute this down to being a nice guy who occasionally buys his wife flowers. Yeah. Just like Christ did. Right?
If you tell me that Christianity is nothing more than good manners and simple morality, I will understand your perspective on marriage. Is that what you believe? Not likely. So stop diluting marriage to a small piece of your life and give all this serious consideration.
Here’s a scenario for the ladies. A man comes into your life. He looks and sounds like everything you every wanted or needed. He turns out to be extremely compassionate and generous. He loves to talk about your future. He is constantly looking for ways to make your life better. He truly understands selfless love and shows you constantly. Good so far?
He is presented with multiple opportunities to leave you, to go off and do his own thing. He has amazing potential and charisma, everyone wants him to be in their life, too. He is connected to you. He absolutely loves you. Even to the point of making tremendous personal sacrifices, because he believes that it would be better for you. He holds nothing back from you. You are his purpose. His life exists to become one with you.
How are we doing? The guys can stop rolling their eyes now. The ladies probably need to lay down for a minute at the thought.
Here’s what you just read. Christ came to earth to save His bride, to teach her to live and understand pure love. That’s what I just described. That’s what marriage is supposed to be that’s what He did for us. Not one glorious day of crucifixion the bride. He devoted His life, and eventually his death, to loving us.
So, that Ephesians 5:25 thing is a little more than a cute scripture. It’s a magnificent opportunity for men to become Christlike. It’s like a secret key to unlock the mysteries of creation and the mind of God.
I believe that relationship is the foundation of creation. God is love. He wanted to create someone to love. Here we are. I also believe that marriage is the highest form of relationship. It where two individuals connect so completely that they truly become one. They complete each other. One is strong where the other is weak. One fully understands things the other doesn’t. They become one complete and unstoppable force… Together.
That kind of unity and strength doesn’t happen when your marriage is treated like a nuisance. When she is only a small part of your life. When she keeps slowing you down, on the way to your true calling. Sure. Wake up.
I was a mediocre, and eventually abusive, husband for twenty years. She was an accessory to my life. I began to resent her slowing me down and interfering with the things I wanted. She wasn’t the center of my world. I didn’t understand how to love her. I didn’t understand what my life was missing by neglecting her the way I did. If I had known then… Wow. Until you try it this way, you just don’t know.
I spent all that time searching for meaning and purpose. I wasted years of my life on people and projects that had nothing to do with her and missed all the time together. I was trying to save the world while my family was dying around me. I was trying to convince everyone that I mattered and ignoring the ones who already knew.
Idiot. Moron. Loser. Hypocrite. Fool… Pick one. They all fit me fine. I know.
The whole purpose of exposing my life to the world like this is to stop you from being like I was. Christianity will not spread to a generation that watches hypocrisy on the level we are displaying. If the love of God doesn’t begin at home, in your marriage, in front of your children… It will never reproduce in your family. If you aren’t loving your wife as Christ loved the church, you are crippling your family. You are stealing their future.
It can all change. It did for me. It’s beginning to affect my whole family. It takes time, but what else matters as much? What else are you going to do for the rest of your life? What else is more noble or worthy than becoming Christlike and loving your family?
That’s where I stand. That’s where I am staying.
If you are ready, take my 21 Day Challenge to become a better man.