To a guy who doesn’t understand or appreciate women, they are like a box of fried chicken. Two legs, two thighs, two breasts… Yeah. I have been thinking about a few things this week.
I consider my wife the most beautiful woman in the world. Would she get pulled off the street and dragged into Cosmo with people desperate to know her fashions and beauty secrets? Probably not. Most folks are looking for that airbrushed, flawless, Hollywood type perfection that maybe 1% of women qualify for. Her beauty is much deeper than that.
Here’s my list of things that make her so desirable.
My wife is absolutely gorgeous.
If you are still comparing yourself to other men, and your wife to other women, you miss the good stuff. Just like there are probably women out there more attractive to the general population, there are plenty of guys you can’t compete with. Your wife is the one person out there who has voluntarily given herself to you. It’s a precious gift. It’s one that makes her seem even more beautiful once you want to see it. My wife is beautiful in ways nobody else can compete with.
My wife has a smile that lights up a room.
It’s contagious. One of the things that caused me to finally break, was realizing I couldn’t smile at her. She had also been so neglected and abused by her dark and angry husband, she couldn’t smile, either. I had broken her. I was no fun. Our life was a miserable attempt at survival. We had lost the joy of our friendship and marriage.
Since I have been “reprogrammed” to love and understand her, the smile is back. We laugh together. We enjoy our time together. Even the quiet time, the waiting, the routines are enjoyable again. We laugh and play while cleaning and cooking. It’s easy to lose sight of her beauty when you have taken the joy out of her life. All the other women seem more attractive when they aren’t subjected to the stuff we put them through. Glad the smile is back.
My wife laughs from her soul.
When something is funny to her, it’s funny to everyone. When she laughs, we have to know what she is laughing about. Her sense of humor is a magnet that draws me in. Her laugh is a quality of beauty a magazine cover could never capture. Her slightly twisted sense of humor is something that feels like a privilege to share. Broken and lonely wives don’t laugh like that, with their husbands. Only with close friends who make them feel safe.
Watching my wife, as a mother, inspires me as a father.
I don’t know many guys who have a natural passion to be a father. We appreciate the parenting relationship. We love our kids. We want the best for them. We make sacrifices to make their life better. Sure. Most of us are pretty good dads.
But. I don’t personally know any fathers with that ingrained, deeply passionate love for their children like my wife. I watch her get emotional just talking about them. I watch her sneak money and gifts to them, like it’s some secret mission that no one can know about. I hear her talk them, pulling their life into hers. It makes me a better person when I learn from her. Whatever I “know” about parenting is nothing compared to who she “is,” as a parent.
My wife is the kind of friend most people dream of knowing.
In the earliest weeks of our free fall towards divorce, I ended up in a confrontation with her best friend. My wife is loved so deeply by her children and friends, they would do anything to protect her. At one point, this tiny little five foot, hundred pound lady chewed me out and attacked me like she was twice my size. She absolutely went off and told me exactly what she thought of me.
That was a revelation. She told me things that I had never thought about. I saw things from the perspective of an abused wife. It changed me that day. Didn’t solve much at the time. But it opened my eyes.
She is teaching me to love life again.
I had lost sight of it. I had made so many insignificant things a higher priority than my family. I had allowed the selfish desires and material garbage to become more important than her. Life had become a stressful and disappointing routine. Not for her.
In defiance of me, she was still determined to enjoy her life. She was crushed by my attitudes and actions, but not to the point of allowing me to destroy her. Even when I was at my worst, she was still able to find ways to see beauty and laugh.
She taught me to forgive. She taught me to let things go. She taught me how to remember the past, without allowing it to dictate my future. She taught me that life is not all about achievement and competition. It’s not always about winning and losing. It’s not always success and failure. She taught me to find joy in little things and enjoy life minute by minute. Again, more stuff that a picture in a magazine will never convey.
I think it comes down to this…
Once you decide to love her, your wife takes on a new beauty. You see past her imperfections. The physical part of her beauty is nothing compared to who she is. Her true beauty doesn’t appear to a husband who oppresses and controls her. A husband who is looking past her, looking for something better, will never see the real beauty. The most exciting and wonderful parts of her are reserved for the ones who she feels safe with. For the one who loves her no matter what.
That true beauty has nothing to do with age or dress size. It’s so much more. Speaking as a husband who is learning to love his wife like Christ loved the church, there’s nothing like it. Once your wife is fully confident that you love her more than any other person or pursuit, she opens up and shows you the beauty no one else will ever experience.
So. If your wife doesn’t seem beautiful or attractive or wonderful, it’s probably you that needs to change more than her. All the good stuff is in there, it’s up to us to bring it out. Accept the challenge. Love your wife.
And while I have your attention, get a copy of my 21 day challenge. 21 Days to Save My Family
This one was originally published as a guest at Whole Family Strong.
Finding the Most Beautiful Woman in the World