Accused of Heresy. Guilty as Charged.

Well, it finally happened. Someone has accused me of heresy. My first reactions included irritation, aggravation and disbelief. This same guy is determined to offer me new material on a regular basis. As long as he keeps making comments, I might never run out of things to write about.

He has, very briefly, seen into my world and seen how this works. But, then caved into the religious traditional that keep our divorce rate even with everyone else. He is currently on a witch hunting rampage to discredit everyone who doesn’t agree with him. Even though what he is doing doesn’t work.

I assumed, after many years as a Christian, that heresy was a bad word. An accusation of someone who was undermining the church and causing people to turn away from Christ. Heresy carries an evil undertone. I thought it was the same as blasphemy or apostasy. It sounded like a comment about a monster, destroying the church. I felt like I was being called an unbeliever. He added “antichristian” to his choice of words for me and my writing. Ok. Let’s see about all that.

According to Wikipedia…
Heresy is any provocative belief or theory that is strongly at variance with established beliefs or customs. A heretic is a proponent of such claims or beliefs. Heresy is distinct from both apostasy, which is the explicit renunciation of one’s religion, principles or cause and blasphemy, which is irreverence toward religion.

Wow. According to that definition, he is right. I am completely guilty of heresy, based on that definition. You got me. Simply because someone teaches anything that doesn’t line up with whatever is considered normal or traditional. (Established beliefs or customs.) So, since I don’t agree with the way the church has interpreted the roles of husbands and wives, I qualify. Since I believe that humans have missed the most important parts of the gospel, concerning marriage and family, I qualify. Since I have noticed that the church divorce rate is about the same as everyone else, and decided that we missed something, I qualify. Since I know that God hates divorce, and realized that traditional roles must not be His plan, I qualify. Since I am willing to suggest an abused wife divorce an abusive husband, I guess I qualify.

Just because I don’t write or teach the same slavery based marriage roles as most counselors, I qualify as a heretic.

Just like Martin Luther. Or even Martin Luther King, Jr. ( both, technically heretics, by that definition ) I think that we have been blinded by traditions and need to make some changes. We have allowed the blind to lead the blind and missed the best of what God wants for us.

As I said before, this site isn’t about debates, politics, or deep theological study. It’s a very simple message. It’s about my story and the lessons learned. We followed the traditional church roles. We worked at a traditional Christian marriage for twenty years. My wife fought to be the perfect proverbs 31 wife. I fought to become the leader and authority in my home, that I was told to be.

You know what happened? It fell apart. I hope this isn’t the first thing you are reading on this site. Start with the “Blind Ambition” story before muddling through all this. There’s a lot more here, but that’s a good start. Please don’t waste my time on a response here, until you read more of my stuff.

This site is built around a few simple ideas.

Ephesians 5:25.
Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it. I believe that, as Christain husbands, we desperately need to understand who Christ is, and what He actually did for His bride. (Us) We should be willing to love our wives selflessly and treat he like the most important person alive.

If you think that the crucifixion and resurrection sums up what Christ did for His bride, you are missing the bulk of the story. His entire life was about us. The temptations in the wilderness was about choosing His bride over His own potential. His bride was His mission. Everything He did, was to establish the eternal covenant with His bride.

Bride and bridegroom.
I believe that marriage mirrors salvation. God is love. We were created out of His desire to love someone. The foundation of the entire universe is “relationship.” God desired relationship, here we are.

I believe that marriage is the pinnacle of human relationships. It is the most intimate relationship that exists. I believe it should be honored above all other relationships. The bible, not just my articles, compares the relationship we have with Christ to the bride and bridegroom. There is obviously more to marriage than I was taught.

Self propagating faith.
I do not believe that the church will ever be as strong as it should, until the men step up like Christ did. When our children see Christianity played out in their homes, they will understand it and hopefully accept it. They see hypocrisy. They see abuse. They see selfishness. If they connect all that to our “religion” they will not want it. The next generation depends on us doing the right thing.

If dad is an arrogant bully at home, they don’t want any part of whatever made him like that.

We can’t claim headship without understanding it.
Headship is about being a source of life for our families. Not about being a dictator. They don’t exist to serve you. Stop treating them like peasant and servants.

How can we be Christlike while demanding anyone serve us? What is Christlike about that? Aren’t we called to serve others? Aren’t the least going to be considered the greatest? How does the king of the castle deal with that?

How can we be completely responsibly for our homes and families, but still blame our wives for marriage problems? As husbands, we are responsible for the condition of our homes. Completely responsibly.

Your salvation would not exist if Christ had not taken responsibility for your sins. Right? He took away the punishment by taking ownership of your sins and failures. Wow.

How can we blame her, or even focus on our wife’s failures, unless we plan to help her though them? Are we offering solutions, or just demanding obedience and submission?

That’s why He is called the head of the church. He did all that for us. That’s why it works. Our healing happens because of Him. Our freedom is real because of Him. We were loved while we were still sinners. Our love for Him is in response to His love for us. Now go read Ephesians 5:25 again. Does it make any more sense?


Our mission, as Christian men, is to become Christlike. He said the two main commandments we to love God and love each other. Simple.

Our wives simply deserve to be the first in line for all that Christian goodness. Bless her first. Be Christ to her first. Save the world by being a Christlike husband. Make her your first mission. Find your purpose and meaning by learning to love like Christ. If you can’t be Christlike to her, it ain’t gonna matter much to anyone else.

If all that qualifies me as a heretic, then fine. Call me whatever you want. I don’t need to be liked. I don’t need anyone telling me how great I am. It doesn’t matter. I have won my wife’s heart. I am winning my children’s hearts back. I am living as Christlike as I ever have in my life. I feel closer to God now, than ever. Does that make me a monster?

Go get your pitchforks and torches.

My newest book offers a roadmap, to become an Ephesians 5:25 man. 21 days of individual challenges. Get it HERE.

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