How Do I Get My Wife To Serve Me?

Alright. Let’s just jump into this one. I figure that the guys who found this, were probably searching for it, or the title got your attention. Either way, I want to help you understand the best way to get your wife to serve you properly.

First things first. Is this really your wife? These rules don’t apply to girlfriends. That’s a whole different world. I wrote this one for you guys who aren’t married, yet.
“Let me tell you what’s wrong with your girlfriend.”
Read that one. Then, maybe, you can go deeper on this one.

So, how do I get the most effective service out of this woman? How do I make sure that she really is going to take care of me? Let’s start by clarifying these roles.

Men are generally hard-wired to conquer, achieve, protect, defend. Things like that. Everything in us seeks to prove itself. We want our lives to matter. We want to do great things and be recognized. Ego is going to be part of it. It’s just a fact.

Women are generally hard-wired to respond. The take what is around them, or given to them, and adapt to it or improve it. They take a house and make a home. They take acquaintances and make them best friends.

If our wives are loved and cared for, they can survive just about anything.

If they are abused and neglected, they can quickly become your worst nightmare. If we are good to them, they are great to us. If they are treated badly, we will never know how amazing they really are.

What about our purpose? What are we here for? What are we supposed to be doing anyway? Why do we need help, if we don’t even know what we are trying to accomplish?

We need to know why we even exist.

Two answers here. This is the first one.

If you are a Christian, there was a point where you entered into covenant. You gave your word. You vowed to give away your life in service to Christ. You were so captivated by the love of an amazing God, that you voluntarily put your own plans, dreams and missions away, to give your life to Him.

So, as a Christian, you are supposed to be serving God by becoming Christlike and continuing his mission to build up the church. That is done by loving the bride of Christ, and being committed to it.

Got all that? Here’s the second answer.

If you are married, there was a point where you entered into covenant. You gave your word. You vowed to give away your life to become a husband. You were so captivated by the love of an amazing woman, that you voluntarily put your own plans, dreams and missions away, to give your life to her.

So, as a husband, you are supposed to be serving your bride by becoming Christlike and continuing your mission, strengthen your family. That is done by loving your bride, and being committed to her.

So, assuming that all this makes sense, we can get down to the business of getting her to serve you properly. Ready?

Our wives are to serve us by shaping us into Christlike men.

That means that, occasionally, we need to shut up and listen to them. If she is upset or angry with you, it’s a sign that you are falling short. Somehow, you are failing her. My suggestion is that you listen, without reacting, when she has something to say. Sometimes they are only honest about certain things, once they have gotten angry. It might be the only time you hear how she really feels about you.

Just shut up and listen. There’s nothing you can fix, by yelling back at her. Let her serve you by shaping you into someone who is humble and considerate. She has the right to expect her husband to treat her well, let her teach you how it should happen.

Our wives are to serve us by helping us become wealthy.

That doesn’t mean she needs to get a second job. It mean that we have to listen, when she has a bad feeling about a decision. When she doesn’t like the way the bills are being paid, or how the money is spent, or the latest “get rich quick” idea that we want to invest in. Her opinion might be what saves you from the poor house.

I can look back on, at least, five times in my life when my wife tried to stop me from making a bad decision. But I didn’t listen. I had been taught to lead my family. I was the man of the house. They were subject to me and my desires. I was the one who, supposedly, heard from God.

Yeah, right.

I have kept us broke for almost twenty five years. I caused our bankruptcy. I lost two houses and a recording studio. I had to give up everything I worked for because I had been too stubborn to listen to her.

I was so concerned with my purpose, that I was denying hers. She just wanted her home to be stable and happy. I was a selfish jackass, only concerned with my ideas and plans. If I had allowed her to critique my plans, they would have gone much differently. She wanted to serve the family by protecting us and finding a more profitable plan. I messed that one up over and over.

Our wives are to serve us, by holding us to higher standards.

They deserve the best we can provide. They deserve to be treated better than they were treated by any other man in their lives. They deserve to be married to someone who loves them selflessly and sacrificially. They deserve Christlike husbands. Men that we won’t be on our own. We need encouragement. We need direction. We need accountability. That stuff comes from our wives much better than a golf or fishing buddy. Let her help. Listen to her. Act on her words. Stop resisting her.

My wife wants financial stability and a husband that doesn’t look like a hairy potato. So, I have been making adjustments. Changing my own priorities, to accommodate her desires. She notices. She knows. She even responds differently when she sees me doing things just because she asked. If it matters to her, it has to matter to me.

Our wives are to serve us, by helping us develop strong character and good habits.

The best thing they can do for us is learn how our minds operate. We learn and develop habits, much like a dog. Seriously. What gets rewarded, gets repeated.

If we throw a tantrum, and she still smiles and hugs us, we assume it’s ok to do that. If we are mean to her, and she is still willing to have sex with us, we assume it’s ok to treat her like that. Those habits develop quickly.

But. If we are rude, or mean to her, and she starts wearing flannel pajamas to bed, or sleeping on the sofa, we might catch on. If we promised to be home for a six o’clock dinner, and don’t even call until after seven, she needs to put the food away and let us enjoy a cold, quiet evening. We will never become dependable and honest men, if our selfish and careless habits are tolerated.

Guys. All I am saying her is this… Learn to be a good man, by allowing her to be involved in the process.

If she is mad enough to yell at you, shut up and listen. Find out why and stop doing it.

If she refuses to touch you, figure out how you have hurt her or why she doesn’t feel comfortable with you.

If she criticizes your decisions, take an honest look at what you are doing and why.

There is no better way to become a Christlike man, than by allowing the person closest to you, to help.

Christ went all the way to crucifixion, still loving His bride. It won’t kill us to shut up and listen to ours. We can allow her to serve us by letting her correct the attitudes and actions that are not Christlike. Once she believes we are actually listening, and allowing her to help, the terms and process get much easier. Maybe even enjoyable.

Trust me on that. She will serve you best, when you stop demanding submission and service from a selfish perspective. You need her to serve you, by teaching you to enjoy life and become a better man.

M. Erik Matlock is a self-professed recovering knucklehead with more than 500 articles and four books in print. He shares his hard-earned wisdom at and through his books, which are available at Amazon.

4 thoughts on “How Do I Get My Wife To Serve Me?

  1. So, I usually read your blog to just get a Christian man’s point of view on how husbands can make their relationships better or all they can be…. And I always come away learning something about myself, as a Christian woman.
    Thank you. That’s all, just, thank you…. Keep up these blogs, they are valuable to both men AND women alike.

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