What’s wrong with having sex while dating?

I have been reading some articles this week, regarding problems with the church’s attitude towards sex. It seems like a lot of these guys converted away from the church over issues that they couldn’t resolve. I don’t necessarily agree with them, but I don’t blame them either.

The church has created some strong stereotypes. Twisted theology and traditions have made sex dirty or evil to many people. Even within a marriage, many Christians have mixed feelings about what is right and what is wrong.

Our foundation, according to Christ, is love. Love each other, Love God, love your neighbor as yourself. All of that. We are told that we will be identified as Christians by our love. We are told that it’s pretty much impossible to sin when your focus is on love. We are supposed to use Christ as our example and love others even when they don’t love us.

The message of love is not about demanding everyone look and think like you. It’s not about condemning the world, but saving it. Quit preaching John 3:16 and skipping over 3:17.

16 – God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but will have eternal life. 

17  – God didn’t send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.

We should be defined by love. Not by rejecting or hating anyone for being gay, sexually active, atheist or a different religion. If our faith is real, it changes our life. When it changes us enough, others want what we have. You can’t beat the love of God into people who don’t believe the same as we do.

One particular article was about sexual freedom. The author seemed to have absolutely no issue with a couple of teenagers having sex. He had no issue with any sexual act between any consenting partners as far as I could tell.

Now, I am not about to play morality cop, but I will throw out the reasons I have issues with the mentality that says you can just do whatever you want.

The concept of self control. The concept of consequence. The concept that you should just do whatever you feel inclined to do.

Forget the issue as it relates to sex or sexual orientation. What about applying that mentality to any other area? What happens when the kids feel the urge to steal candy bars?

They want it, the don’t believe that they are hurting anyone, nobody will die from that act. They feel the desire to steal and take it. They are just following their inclinations. Right? But it opens them up to taking things that aren’t theirs. Not good for society in general.

It’s also not enough to tell them they shouldn’t do it because the bible says so. Tell them why it’s wrong. Explain consequence to them.

What about the guy who has a natural inclination to heavy drinking? The first few drinks are never the problem. The problem is when the guy is incapable of holding a job or managing his life anymore.

It started when he simply did something that he was inclined to do. Some folks manage fine, some don’t. How can we be upset with the results of his drinking when he only did what felt was right? Even though he isn’t capable of making rational decisions over his drinking problems, are we supposed to tell him to keep doing whatever he feels included to do? Is an intervention just concentrated judgement?

Consider the guy with the short fuse and bad attitude. Fighting is in his nature. Violence is part of who he is. How can we condemn him for the results of a life like that?

We can’t. Not if society teaches us that we shouldn’t be responsible for managing our passions and attitudes. If we are taught to do whatever we feel inclined to do, then eventually everything has to be deemed ok. Regardless of who he hurts, how can we judge him if we are telling everyone else to do what they want?

One more? What about the guy who has the natural inclination to lay around the house and do absolutely nothing productive? He’s just naturally lazy. His inclination is to find excuses for not working and mooching off everyone else. His only ambition is to coast through life on every handout he can get.

If we are teaching kids to just follow the urges of their body and mind, with no concern for consequence or personal responsibility, we can’t even get upset with that guy. Even if he is sleeping on your sofa and eating your Cheetos. Even is he has been there for years or is sleeping with your daughter.

Whether you are Christian or Atheist, it doesn’t matter. Stop the hypocrisy. With or without religion, there is consequence and personal responsibility involved.

As far as sex, teaching kids to do what comes natural sounds noble when eloquent words are used. But, there’s more involved than just words.

Are you also prepared to teach them how to raise the baby? Remember that possibility? Morality aside, sex primarily exists for making babies. Are we prepared to teach those horny kids how to change diapers? Are we going to assume responsibility for another struggling single mother who joined those ranks, based on our advice?

What about the fact that their bodies are maturing much faster than their emotions and understanding of life? How many teenage girls choose suicide over rejection from some boy who used love to get sex? How many young men develop patterns of manipulating women to get what they want, even to the point where they don’t know love from lust. How many healthy relationships come out of that?

Sure, I was a teenage boy. I know about this. I remember doing and saying whatever it took to get what I wanted. My world was saturated by the leftover “free-love hippies” who were now teachers and parents. It’s even worse now when the kids only have internet, tv and movies to impact their values. Parents who don’t actually talk with their kids are often surprised when the kids have different beliefs than they do.

I don’t really care what orientation you claim. That’s between you and God, none of my business. Don’t care. What I care about is anyone telling my kids that it’s perfectly fine to do anything you want and disregard any potential consequences. There are always consequences.

You might not get a disease, or pregnant, or emotionally scarred. You might walk away with a casual encounter that holds a happy memory. You might change the course of your life, for better or worse, over that relationship. Maybe it ends up fine, maybe not. Maybe that advice is coming from someone who just wants to live vicariously though your conquest.

Don’t tell my kids that it’s all going to be fine, unless you are willing to clean up the mess if it isn’t.

And stay out of my Cheetos.

One thought on “What’s wrong with having sex while dating?

  1. What most people don’t realize is that, scientifically, there is an ‘imprinting’ at one’s first encounter with sex, as there is for a chick when it hatches out of its egg. The first moving thing the chick sees, it thinks is its mom and will follow it. So if one’s first encounter with sex is on the wedding night with his beautiful bride and the blessing of family and friends, that bride will be young and beautiful and desirable in his eyes for the rest of his life. He will always want to repeat that first time. God’s grace can make good out of evil of course, but it’s never the same, the scars remain.

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