Examining the junk inside your own head

I once heard a doctor explain his greatest frustration. He said he couldn’t understand people coming to him for advice, and then rejecting it. A qualified doctor, offering a rational solution to a potentially life threatening issue… And the advice is ignored.

Not that he can’t accurately diagnose the problem, but that the person won’t listen.

Someone comes in hacking and coughing. The doctors says stop smoking or you will die. The person goes outside and lights up another one.

The next guy comes in at 500 pounds, struggling to climb the steps to the front door. The doctor says to lay off the burgers and fries or you are done. The guy drives straight to McDonalds.

The issue isn’t bad advice. In fact, the advice is obviously logical to anyone paying attention. The issue seems to be about what we believe.

It’s about the junk inside our head affecting every aspect of our existence.

We seem to believe that we are smarter than someone with extensive training in real life situations. We believe that we are different, maybe even better, than everyone else. We believe that the rules don’t really apply to us. That somehow our life is more precious than the person next to us. That the consequences will somehow will miss us.

We believe that we will get away with it, when the reality is that we probably won’t.

Sure, there are some gray areas, some things that defy the odds. There are a few smokers who live into their nineties. There are a few obese senior citizens. But only a very small percentage.

We play the lottery because it’s a small gamble for a big payoff. Sure. I will risk a dollar for the chance to get back millions. But what about your life? What are you gambling compared to the payoff? How is it worth it? Betting your life and future for some temporary or irrational satisfaction is not a good gamble.

The issue goes beyond doctors and health. For me, the issue is in marriage and family. Same situation, different details.

I know from personal experience when a marriage is in trouble and what it takes to save it, not because I am a genius, but because I have learned to understand warning signs and resolution. For the more complicated issues, I defer to my own counselors, admitting when I don’t have the answer.

Just like the guys who disregard their health, we are often self destructive in relationships. Making bad decisions with our emotions that can wreck our life.

For example…

The person willing to have an affair, is probably not going to be good for a long term relationship. No matter what they say. Very few people cheat on their spouse and move on to a stable marriage with the affair partner. Very few. Almost none.

Entering into a relationship with someone who has already had several previous divorces, needs to be done with extreme caution. If they haven’t been through legitimate counseling, they will probably do it again. They are the common denominator of all those previous divorces.

Someone who always has to be in control, or lies, or cheats or manipulates… will probably continue those patterns after marriage. Usually becoming worse.

If they don’t respect you during the dating stage, marriage isn’t going to make it better.

Use your head. Your life and marriage deserve careful decisions. Don’t ruin them by allowing your fears, emotions and cravings to drive you.

You don’t have to marry someone who is most likely going to destroy your life. You don’t have to tolerate an abusive marriage. You can get counseling and help. You can admit that you don’t know everything and listen to the folks who care about you.

If the foundation is damaged, you are wasting your time building anything on it. It will not stand up when the storms come. That junk inside your head is attempting to defy logic. You are being sabotaged.

You don’t have to gamble with your own life. The odds are not in your favor when you choose to ignore warning signs. Some of us have already survived those bad decisions. You can let us help.

You can skip that cheeseburger, too.

If your marriage is already damaged, or if you are considering marriage and want to start with that solid foundation… Take my 21Day Challenge.

One thought on “Examining the junk inside your own head

  1. It’s amazing to me how often we all do this, thinking that we can somehow defy the odds and that everything will turn out all right no matter what foolish choices we make. Until something really, really painful happens. Often there is no way to fix it. I’m glad to see that you did the work to turn things around. Too many people never figure it out.

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