Defending the ones who fight to save marriages

Occasionally, I do an online search of my own name. It helps me track where my articles and books are being promoted. It also allows me to thank other bloggers who have referenced my sites and supported us.

I recently did a search for some friends’ names, after hearing some hurtful comments. I found a lot more than I expected.

Joel and Kathy Davission operate It won’t take you more than a few minutes to find dozens of painfully harsh comments online about them. There are even sites that seem to exist for the sole purpose of exposing them and their evil mission of saving marriages and families.

Let me know if your search turns up any atheists or other non-believers. So far, the only folks I can find bashing them are other Christians.

Yep. The people I have found online using the most derogatory words ever aimed at another human are believers. The ones the bible says will be “known for their love.”

Do your own search. You will find Joel accused of everything imaginable. Kathy gets called names that made me cringe. Honestly, my first reaction was to jump in like it was a bar fight. On a few, I actually did. Not my most mature responses, either. Those brave men talk trash online, when they believe there’s no risk of repercussions.

After clearing my head, the second thought was to drag my team of attorneys into this mess and see how many sites I can shut down. Some of these folks crossed the line to open slander. My attorneys love a good fight. The temptation is overwhelming.

Then I had another thought. Maybe I can explain why these folks do what they do. So you can form your own opinions.

Since Joel and Kathy have a stable and passionate marriage, their teachings on marriage can be deemed valid and effective. Since those teachings turned my abusive and neglectful brain around and gave us another chance, they are also worth defending. I don’t declare them to be perfect, but they qualify as two of the best people I know.

From my own extensive experience, the guys who bash them have a lot in common.

When we attended their marriage intensive, there was one there. The guy who has opinions and doctrines so wound up in his mind, he is virtually forced to blurt out ridiculous comments. He just vomits up negativity and foolishness.

After his third or fourth outburst, Kathy made a brilliant comment. “You came to us for help. Your marriage is ruined and you are facing divorce. Our marriage is great. We are doing fine. Maybe you should shut up and listen for a while, since everything you know is what got you here.”

Dang it! She had to go and inject logic.

This type of guy. The guy who can’t have his cake and eat it, too. The one who thinks he knows everything, possesses zero humility and is prone to giving his confused opinion constantly…. That’s one type of guy who makes negative comments about them.

Keep that in mind when you find these sites.

Then there’s Mr. Self-Righteous. The great defender of the faith. Obligated to make sure we aren’t subject to false teachings. Determined to root out everyone who teaches a different angle on the faith than he does.

Please find me a verse in the bible where Christ commands us to condemn each other. The only folks He condemned were religious leaders who demanded people live by rules that they didn’t even follow. The high and mighty hypocrites. The ones who used the law to cause more problems than it solved. The ones who placed law above relationship and love.

Oh, great bounty hunter of the faith. Convinced that your eternal reward will come from attacking other believers, instead of spending your time doing all that trivial stuff that we are supposed to do.


Actually feeding people, clothing people, giving generously to those in need, spending time with broken people, encouraging others, bringing unbelievers into the faith, caring for single mothers in need… And sometimes, aggressively confronting abusers instead of enabling them. All things I have seen and experienced from this couple.

I have also been on the business end of that buggy whip when they saw my abusive attitude and knew that my family needed me to change. Which brings me to another type of guy who attacks them.

The immature, thin-skinned type who is absolutely not open to the possibility that he needs correction and lashes out at anyone who offers. Instead of listening and learning, they just take correction as a personal attack and never learn anything.

The book of Proverbs references men like that as fools.

So, when you find those Christian websites offering angry and legalistic commentaries about Joel and Kathy, use some common sense. Don’t get dragged into arguments with these folks. Don’t let people, who believe their abusive and dominating attitudes are justified, affect the truth.

As Christian husbands, we only have two covenants in this life. One is to God, one is to our wives. We are commanded to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Joel and Kathy don’t teach that men are to become doormats and that wives are superior. They teach men to love their wives above all others and make them their first ministry. They teach us to love our wives like Christ loved the church.

Until I found them, I was a failure as both a Christian and as a husband. The first good decision I made in over ten years, was to just shut up and listen. I only wish every marriage was as strong as mine is now. It wasn’t quick or easy, but anything worthwhile usually takes effort.

There’s hope for all of you. Don’t be deceived by folks who call themselves Christians, but only cause division and trouble. Don’t be stubborn and reject solid advice. Don’t tolerate a bad marriage, fix your priorities and become a beacon for your family.

Listen to teachers who are also good examples. None of the attackers have ever responded when I ask them about their own marriages and if their wives agree with their opinions.

So, how’s your marriage?

M. Erik Matlock is a self-professed recovering knucklehead with more than 500 articles and four books in print. He shares his hard-earned wisdom at, and through his books, which are available at Amazon.

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